Shame – Its Purpose
Shame can be defined as, “A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.” One might ask what purpose God could have in such an emotion. First, we must dissect shame and look at all sides.
For most of us, we feel shame over ourselves and our failings. For example, tripping in front of our friends as we’re trying to act cool. Cracking a joke that doesn’t go over well. Dressing up (or down) for a party only to arrive and find that you dressed out of place. All these types of shame speak to us as a person, and make oneself feel bad simply for being who you are. This type of shame is misplaced. It’s not biblical, and like everything that God creates to glorify Him, Satan has twisted it and caused it to make us feel poorly about our nature and who we are in God. In this type of shame, you are allowing others to dictate to you how you feel about yourself. The Bible calls this an idol. The only being in the universe who has any right to tell you how to feel about yourself is God. I call this shame misplaced, because it places it on us as a person, and not on our actions where it belongs.
The other side of shame is the shame that comes when we sin against God. Not a simple embarrassment in front of our friends, but the deep and abiding pain, guilt, embarrassment and disgrace that comes when we know we have committed a great wrong before our Creator and most likely against a person. This would be the sense of shame you feel after you lie, steal, lust or say harsh words against someone you feel deeply for. Any sin you commit will be accompanied by a sense of shame.
Shame, when looked at through the right lens will glorify God and free you from the opinions of man. So let’s look at how this is possible. We read in Psalm 34:5. “They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.” I asked myself, “What does it mean to look to Him that I might walk unashamed?” He gave me an answer in Psalm 37:3-6.
“Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness, Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass; He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.”
4 things became clear to me.
1) We are to trust Him, and it’s such a command that it’s given twice.
2) We are to do good.
3) We are to delight ourselves in Him.
4) We are to commit our way to Him.
When these 4 imperatives are kept, He promises to “bring it to pass”, the it being, “your righteousness as the light, your justice as the noonday.” God cannot bring forth a righteousness in you unless you’re living right, so you can rest assured that if God is being seen in your life, if He’s bringing from the depths of your soul a blamelessness and that those who speak of you speak well, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You can at this point walk unashamed, and have the radiance that was spoken of previously in Psalm 34.
That speaks to the misplaced shame and shows us that if God is delighted with us and bringing forth our righteousness we don’t need to worry about what our friends think. What though, of the other side of shame? How can it be used to glorify God?
I believe that when shame is recognized and used appropriately that it glorifies God and helps us keep straight in our walk. For example, you may steal something as you’re growing up. At the time you never thought you’d get caught, you fell for the lies and you broke a commandment. Because God is faithful to His children, He causes your sin to be found out and the next thing you know you are standing before your parents, or a police officer and you are in trouble. The shame that you would feel at this point is your conscience, it is the testimony from the Holy Spirit that you broke a law, that you’ve sinned against God and that forgiveness and restoration needs to come.
It is true, that when you sin and cry out to your God, He is faithful to forgive you. So your first step is to to so! Humble yourself, admit your failings, and accept His forgiveness. Now, In His goodness, He will forgive you, but He will also allow the scar of shame to remain. It stays with you, so that the next time you are tempted to steal, you remember how awful you felt. How embarrassed you were, how crushed your family and friends were. He allows it, so that you are more likely to walk away from that temptation the next time it comes up.
Shame, in this fashion draws you closer to God because it helps you realize that apart from Him you have no good in you, and you need His help, His forgiveness. In this fashion, it glorifies God, because you are humbled and He is exalted as your source of help, source of mercy, grace and forgiveness. It places God at the center of your life and leaves no room for idols, because you care what God thinks of you more than what man thinks of you.
If you are struggling with shame and embarrassment, I encourage you to write out a list of everything you are ashamed of. If it’s shame because you’ve sinned against God or someone else, place a “S” by it. If it’s shame for any other reason, put an “O” next to it. Pray the list out. Ask forgiveness for every “S”, and if needed make apologies to those you’ve hurt. For every “O” ask God to remove the misplaced shame, and to help you admit your human failings without experiencing shame in the future.
He will be faithful to do this, because He knows your nature and He remembers that you are made from dust. (Psalm 103:13,14) I encourage you to let God be the only one who tells you who you are and where your worthiness comes from. Let your only sources of shame stem from sin, and accept with gratitude the grace that comes from Him when we fail in our humanity.
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